Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
