How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
