How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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