i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
