Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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