"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Even my vagina gasped.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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