Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
