I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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