She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He felt like a one man threesome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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