adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
