Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize