and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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