Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
