Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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