She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
