i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
