I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
