she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
