if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
ok first of all what the fuck
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
