Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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