i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
