who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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