My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
