ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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