Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
tell me about the fingering
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