The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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