If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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