Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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