Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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