under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
