The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
