i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
