Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
