He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
