You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
