and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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