Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
