I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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