I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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