i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
People in love make me want to vomit
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize