Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
