fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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