HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
