I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
