How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
