I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
