I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
