Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
