i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
