I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
