Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
