wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
